17th November 2018OffByRiseNews

Tips For A Perfect Summer Music Festival Follow these simple FUNNY JOKES ABOUT WOMEN to have the best time ever at a summer music festival! Harvard Sailing Team – Puppy Pictures! Clayton can’t handle these cute puppy pics.

Are You Doing Your Part To Stop Climate Change? Michael Bloomberg wants YOU to help save our planet. Green Team Enviro-Tips from the driving force behind the environmentalist movement. Mindy Sterling to offer a modest, sensible solution for your environmental concerns! Alex Set Sail Alex and Jack set sail, but very quickly their smooth seas turn choppy. Mother Earth Schools Her Kid The planet’s getting hotter but you should still pack a sweater. Making Plans – Language Academy Sean demonstrates how to make plans with one of his students.

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Wonder Woman Wardrobe Malfunction An awkward new superhero adventure from HUNKS. Everything’s WEED VICELAND type cooking show where everything’s weed and nothing is safe. Rex On The Ongoing Sixth Extinction Scientists have confirmed that we are on the cusp of the next great extinction of species, and humans are likely at fault. 225 This week’s best GIFs bring the broccoli. Porn: The Don Dolmes Story” is a mockumentary that spoofs the legend of John Holmes. The Problem With Venmo And Your Taxes Venmo may make paying people easier, but explaining your emoji use to your accountant is another story.


Michael Shannon Reads the Insane Delta Gamma Sorority Letter Michael Shannon channels Rebecca Martinson’s insane and equally amazing letter to her Delta Gamma sorority sisters. I did not smell your fart, I tasted it! World Tour and things go as well as you’d expect. Terry Tate Makes America Great When GOP Presidential Candidate Donald J. Trump talks trash with Billy Bush, Terry Tate returns to knock him on his tush.

Same-Sex Marriage Is A Right, And This Musical Proves It! I know what a STÖRJORM dresser looks like. I can build it from memory. Remember when Zack Morris narc’d on a friendly movie star for smoking weed? All About Animals – It Hurts To Be An Eagle “All About Animals” lets you in on the secret facts about animals that the government doesn’t want you to know. Your Crazy Aunt’s Guide To Marijuana A comprehensive guide to marijuana by your crazy aunt. The Most Ridiculous Things From Last Night’s TWD – S08E16 “Wrath” Rick Grimes has a peace offering you can’t refuse.

Quiz: Are You A Good Facebook Detective? Try to decipher these vague status updates! The 14 Most Ridiculous Things From This Week’s ‘Fear The Walking Dead’ Season Premiere – S04E01 “What’s Your Story? The Morning After Two people wake up together the morning after a wild night and they try to put together the pieces. The 16 Most Ridiculous Things From Last Night’s ‘The Walking Dead’ Season Finale S08E16 “Wrath” Morgan’s walking to Texas. The Ladies Guide to Avoiding a Pickup Artist Are you sick of getting unwanted attention from men?

Of course you are, you’re a woman. I can’t believe I made it anywhere creatively, though, because I was raised by two loving and supportive parents. Nothing squashes creativity more than unconditional love and support from a functional household. Comedy Central and all related titles, logos and characters are trademarks of comedy partners.

And maybe write that down so you won’t forget? I can remember a dish of ice cream. I don’t need to write it down. Hey, where’s the toast I asked for? Can we do romance in the midnight today? Just a little bit of kissing and biting!

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1st day he worked till late evening on the computer. Boss was happy and asked “what you did till evening? And Adds An Image Or Data File With It. Congratulations For A Happy New Year. Inspirational New Year Wish For Success.

Fesala da za TANHA ba yam tar Marga da khpal Yar pa tma tma. Best jokes Best 100 short funny jokes based on visitors votes. Please rate funny short jokes by clicking on smiles, so funniest jokes will be also best jokes on our web site! If you rate joke, joke rating and position will change.

When Nasa first began sending astronauts into space, they were confronted by a small problem. Their standard ballpoint pens would not work in space. They spent a decade and twelve million dollars designing a pen that would work below three hundred degrees, in space, and on glass. Teacher: I said who ever stands up is STUPID! Teacher: Johnny, do you really think that you are stupid? Little Johnny: No Mrs, I just thought that maybe you are lonely being the only one standing.


Tchers’ Voice Our blog is filled with great ideas from passionate educators just like you. Let’s get better together!

A father buys a lie detector robot that slaps people when they lie. He decides to test it out at dinner one night. The father asks his son what he did that afternoon. The son says, “I did some homework. The son says, “Ok, Ok, I was at a friend’s house watching movies. Dad asks, “What movie did you watch?

Mom laughs and says, “Well, he certainly is your son. Teacher: Who answers my next question, can go home. One boy throws his bag out the window. Boy: Me and I’m going home now. Little April was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through the class.

One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, “Tell me, April, who created the universe? When April didn’t stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. April and the teacher said, “Very good” and April fell back asleep. A while later the teacher asked April, “Who is our Lord and Saviour,” But, April didn’t even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. April and the teacher said, “very good,” and April fell back to sleep. Then the teacher asked April a third question.

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What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child? And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. G THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I’LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOUR ARSE! Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question, “Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left? None,” replied Johnny, “cause the rest would fly away.

Well, the answer is four,” said the teacher, “but I like the way you’re thinking. Little Johnny says, “I have a question for you. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was licking her cone, the second was biting her cone and the third was sucking her cone, which one is married? Well,” said the teacher nervously, “I guess the one sucking the cone. No,” said Little Johnny, “the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you’re thinking.

Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner, they retire for the night, and go to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see. I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes” exclaims Watson.

And what do you deduce from that? Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. What does it tell you, Holmes?

And Holmes said: “Watson, you idiot, it means that somebody stole our tent. An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, “Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow. 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor’s office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day. The doctor asked, what happened and the man explained. Well, doc, it’s like this–first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing.


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Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin’ it between her knees, but still nothing. The old man replied, “Yep, none of us could get the jar open.


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A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game? The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap. Politely she declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun.

Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep. This catches the blonde’s attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game. The lawyer asks the first question. What’s the distance from the earth to the moon? 00 bill and hands it to the lawyer. Okay,” says the lawyer,” your turn. She asks the lawyer, “What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?

The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references. Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers, to no avail. The blonde says, “Thank you,” puts her head on the pillow and goes back to sleep. The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, “Well, what’s the answer? 00, and goes back to sleep. The idea that women aren’t funny—and which male said that?

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TV has unleashed a new generation of comediennes, who act, perform stand-up, write, and direct—dishing out the jokes with a side of sexy. Kristen Wiig, Maya Rudolph, and Tina Fey. It’s just a lot easier to ignore. There are people who lament that no women now are as funny as Carole Lombard or Barbara Stanwyck in the screwball comedies of Lubitsch, Sturges, and Hawks. They are missing the point: today’s comediennes are on television, where they are often responsible for their own material. Lombard and Stanwyck were great comic actresses on-screen, but they had about as much to do with the joke writing as Jennifer Aniston or Courtney Cox did on Friends. Off-camera Lucille Ball was about as funny as lead.

30 Rock is often compared to The Mary Tyler Moore Show, but James L. Moore and the rest of the cast were talented actors, not comedians. Nora Ephron, the writer and film director. There are more women in a whole bunch of places, and this is one of them.

Ephron knows exactly why female comedians are currently much more successful than they used to be. The humor of women has been a sensitive topic ever since the first one cracked a joke. Throughout time, prominent, deeply serious men have argued that women have no sense of humor. But the suffragette movement must have taken a toll on the male ego: by the late 19th century the humorlessness of women was a staple of club toasts and magazines such as Punch.

I don’t like any female comedians. Behind the scenes of Annie Leibovitz’s shoot. And the question was recently reopened in this magazine: the polymorphously polemic Christopher Hitchens argued that, in general, women are not funny, and certainly not as funny as men. Lucille Ball and Helen Fielding, who do see the funny side of it. But this is so rare as to be like Dr. Dissecting the nature of women’s humor, or supposed lack thereof, is a joyless and increasingly moot subject, but it boils down to the point Virginia Woolf argued in her essay about Shakespeare’s sister in A Room of One’s Own, and it’s analogous to the case Larry Summers made so clumsily with regard to women in the sciences that it cost him his job as president of Harvard: namely, that society has different expectations for women. Certainly, the rewards of wit are not nearly as ample for women as for men, and sometimes funny women are actually penalized.

Not everything has changed since 1885, when educator Kate Sanborn tried to refute the conventional male wisdom in her book The Wit of Women. Sanborn pointed out that women have good reason to keep their one-liners to themselves. Are you going to be funny in bed? It used to be that women were not funny. Then they couldn’t be funny if they were pretty. Now a female comedian has to be pretty—even sexy—to get a laugh.


At least, that’s one way to view the trajectory from Phyllis Diller and Carol Burnett to Tina Fey. But the funniest women on television are youthful, good-looking, and even, in a few cases, close to beautiful—the kind of women who in past decades might have been the butt of a stand-up comic’s jokes. And it doesn’t help to point out that Lucille Ball began her Hollywood career as a model and starlet or that Elaine May was—and still is—fetching. Lucille Ball would wear almost anything—Carmen Miranda dresses, muumuus, and crazy hats—to transform herself into the childish and braying Lucy Ricardo. In her stand-up act and on her show on Comedy Central, The Sarah Silverman Program, Sarah Silverman is as crude and cruelly insensitive as any male comedian, but with a sexy, coquettish undertone—a Valley Village version of Brenda Patimkin, the Jewish-American Princess in Goodbye, Columbus. Comedy Central in a low-cut, blue satin cocktail dress, with Jimmy Choo shoes and her hair long, honey blond, and tousled. Lampanelli says her Sex and the City look is part of her act, but she may also want to look hot.

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How this evolution happened is not entirely clear. The backlash school of feminism would argue that it’s the tyranny of a looks-obsessed culture that promotes sex appeal over talent, be it in comedy, pop music, or even sports. Joan Rivers blames the entertainment industry and the men who still control it. Nowadays, you can’t even get on open mike with less than a C cup. On the other hand, the comedy business offers more opportunity and cachet for women than ever before. It could be that after decades of insecurity—and self-derision—women finally feel they can look good and still be taken seriously as comics. Patricia Marx, a humorist who in the 1970s became one of the first woman writers on The Harvard Lampoon.

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There was no point to it—people already liked you. It has become a supply-and-demand issue: the supply of good-looking female comedians is growing, and the industry demands that they keep growing prettier. Chelsea Handler, the host of Chelsea Lately, a talk show on E! Beverly Hills bimbo, with a Borscht Belt mouth. In the 90s, it seemed like every person on a sitcom—think of the cast of Friends—was just really foxy. I know our show and The Office have normal people. Fey says she doesn’t really see herself as a looker.

If I am one of them, it’s just under the wire. Amy Poehler, who’s been on S. 2001, says much the same thing. But when you open us up to real, professional attractive people—I do not want to run with those horses.

Obviously, though, pretty comics still have to be willing at times to put their looks aside. Strangers with Candy, her Comedy Central series, Sedaris squinted, slumped, and drooped her mouth downward so deeply she looked like Martha Raye with fetal alcohol syndrome. Cheryl Hines, who plays Larry David’s now estranged wife on Curb Your Enthusiasm, remembers being hazed in her early days studying comedy at the Groundlings, in Los Angeles. It’s hard to remember or fathom, but there was a time when Phyllis Diller had to dress in drag to attend a Friars Club roast. Comedy has changed on sitcoms, in clubs, and on Saturday Night Live. He began his career as a writer for Diller, among others, and got his break as a producer thanks to Lily Tomlin, jobs which eventually led him to Saturday Night Live.

Two or three are really funny. And they are totally confident and don’t feel any need to do ugly-girl comedy. They came along at a time when the boys allowed them to do this. There are still limits to how high a female comedian can climb—the crass ceiling. Late-night talk shows, from The Tonight Show to The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, all have male hosts and huge writing staffs that, when gathered onstage at awards shows, are startlingly white and male, like the Whiffenpoofs of 1961 or Vladimir Putin’s Kremlin. On the other hand, cable has whittled away at the primacy of the biggest shows.