31 Stupid Jokes That Are So Dumb, They’re Actually Funny! #17 Is EPIC

31 Stupid Jokes That Are So Dumb, They’re Actually Funny! #17 Is EPIC

27th September 2018OffByRiseNews

Get a print subscription to Reader’s Digest and instantly enjoy free digital access on any device. Your home state could have the nation’s 31 Stupid Jokes That Are So Dumb, They’re Actually Funny! #17 Is EPIC law.

By the way: You’re probably breaking some of these right now. If you’re a stodgy school principal from a 1980s film, consider moving to Mobile, Alabama: Stink bombs, “funk balls,” and any object “the purpose of which is to create disagreeable odors” are strictly illegal there. 2,500 and six months in prison. Italian sound, and the accent on the first and last syllables.

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It is illegal to build, maintain, or use a nuclear weapon within Chico, California city limits. Sure, you may be allowed to own a catapult in Aspen—but you better not try discharging it, buddy. Flaming arrows, alas, are also off limits. A pickle cannot be sold unless it bounces.

Hawaii’s natural beauty is an advertisement unto itself. Idaho is the only state to have an active ban on cannibalism. In the municipality of French Lick Springs, all black cats must wear bells around their necks on Friday the 13th. I Can’t Believe It’s Not A Misdemeanor! It may still be illegal to throw snowballs in Topeka, Kansas. All public officials and attorneys in Kentucky must swear an oath that they “have not fought a duel with deadly weapons” nor acted as a second in another person’s duel.

1848, many would-be duelists turned to murderous street brawls instead. In Louisiana it is illegal to steal someone else’s crawfish—like, really illegal. But mostly, they will have to endure the humiliation of being called shellfish for the rest of their life. It is forbidden to post advertisements on another person’s tombstone in the city of Wells.

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Making road rage even rage-ier, it is illegal to swear or curse upon any street or highway in Rockville, Maryland. 100 to the city swear jar. Massachusetts, thanks to an excessively patriotic 1917 law. While you try to ponder what such a dance would even look like, find solace in the fact that this law could never actually be enforced, thanks to a slightly weightier document called the First Amendment. Until 2006, every citizen of Michigan was encouraged to be a bounty hunter.

31 Stupid Jokes That Are So Dumb, They’re Actually Funny! #17 Is EPIC

Long winters can be boring, but that’s no good reason to hold a greased pig contest in your parlor. Mississippi believes in a person’s inalienable right to consume Big Gulps. Following former New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg’s contentious attempt to restrict the size of soft drinks sold throughout the city, Mississippi Governor Phil Bryant signed a law preventing his state’s lawmakers from enacting rules that limit portion sizes. I throw a Frisbee over the plains? 500 or six months jail time. Technically, no person afflicted with a venereal disease may get married in Nebraska. Meanwhile, state officials are still unable to get a green-light for their new TV show, Law And Order: VDU.

Say what you will about the vice and commercialism of Las Vegas—at least they’re looking out for your feet. In Nevada, it is illegal to use an x-ray device to determine someone’s shoe size. In New Hampshire it is forbidden to collect seaweed from the beach at night. Yes, it’s unfair, but you should’ve thought about that before becoming a nocturnal sushi chef.

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It’s against the law to murder someone, but in Jersey it’s double against the law to murder someone while you’re wearing a bulletproof vest. Let’s take a break to focus on what’s not illegal: walking around with your butt out. Buttocks are nowhere to be mentioned. Uncut bagels are typically tax exempt. Despite a 1999 amendment allowing the sale of fireworks temporarily from December 26, 1999 through January 1st, 2000,  it is illegal to set off fireworks after 11p. Ohio: Toilet paper in coal mines, please!

It’s too bad the letter of the law here stops at coal mines. Sorry, y’all: No more seeing how long you can work the steering wheel with your teeth. Fool me once, shame on you: No person convicted of a felony may operate a Bingo game in Bensalem, Pennsylvania. Good news: In South Carolina it is still illegal to work on Sundays!

Bad news: it is also illegal to dance on Sundays. Panhandlers in Memphis must apply for a permit before panhandling. It is illegal in Galveston, Texas to throw litter out of an aircraft. Besides, using the blue bins is so much easier. Vermont passed a law just to say there would never be a law prohibiting the use of clotheslines. In Prince William County, it is illegal to keep a skunk as a pet. By the way: If your dog ever gets skunked, here’s what to do about it.

I know this is heteronormative, but won’t he approach me if he thinks I’m attractive?

It is illegal to poach a Sasquatch in at least two Washington counties. In 1991, Whatcom Country declared its roughly one million acres of land an official Sasquatch Protection and Refuge Area, giving our nation its first Bigfoot Sanctuary. If Bigfoot exists, lawmakers reasoned, it would be an endangered species, and therefore in need of protection. Oh, and cows have the right-of-way on highways. We will use your email address to send you this newsletter. For more information please read our privacy policy.

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At his home in Encino, California, Patchy the Pirate tells the audience that they will be watching his favorite episode, “Shanghaied,” but Potty shoots him out of a cannon. He pours out the whole box, but cannot find any prize. They find out that the anchor was dropped from the Flying Dutchman’s ship. As the trio investigates the ship, the Flying Dutchman emerges from his cabin, terrifying Squidward. Squidward proceeds to complain about this, so the Dutchman tosses him into the Fly of Despair, a zipper-like portal leading to a chaotic dimension. However, the pair’s idea of terror proves incompatible with the Dutchman’s, so the ghost informs them that they will be eaten instead. Patchy returns to greet the audience.

After a totally random outburst in which he tells the audience to walk the plank, he announces that they are going to read a fan letter. Unfortunately, Potty shows up with a fuse in his head from an evidently unplanned explosives stunt. Potty and Patchy are blown up and Patchy decides to sign off the show. The episode is 16 minutes long, longer than an average length of a short but shorter than one of the halves of a 22-minute episode. The episode was later featured on the “Sea Stories” VHS and DVD releases, after being shown on television. When this episode was first aired, segments with Patchy the Pirate where shown to announce a poll which was held that lets viewers decide between three possible endings to the episode, with a different character receiving the final wish in each ending. After the commercial break, Patchy introduced the two alternate endings that were shown before Spongebob’s ending.

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Patrick: He wishes that he had gum that never lost its flavor, and thus, they are eaten by the Flying Dutchman, begging him to let them out. They get eaten and are still introducing themselves in the Dutchman’s belly. Nick will only play the voted ending. He also calls the viewer an official big time decision maker and a video of monkeys playing instruments is shown.

31 Stupid Jokes That Are So Dumb, They’re Actually Funny! #17 Is EPIC

Patchy says not to let it go to the viewer’s head and signs off. Since then, the Patchy voting footage has never aired again. The Patchy segments without the voting mentions are called “Patchy’s Pick” which was shown on The Complete 2nd Season DVD, and the footage with the voting was shown on The First 100 Episodes DVD 8 years later. The episode is paired with “Gary Takes a Bath,” which is shorter than a regular 11-minute episode. Think you got what it takes to write for Cracked. Then submit an article or some other pieces of content. Hey, why can’t I vote on comments?

Cracked only offers comment voting to subscribing members. If you’re already an awesome Cracked subscriber, click here to login. The Best, Most Underrated Lines From Shows And Movies, Pt. One hit song can make a career — Carly Rae Jepsen will probably still be cashing “Call Me Maybe” checks after she checks into a nursing home. But not all musicians are happy about it.

Which cookie is your favorite?

Sometimes they slap together what they think is their worst song, only to see it become the hit that makes them famous. Creep” was the song that broke Radiohead into the mainstream, because for some reason an angst-ridden, atmospheric alt-rock anthem about being an alienated nobody instantly connected with teenagers in the 1990s. It didn’t just connect with kids, either. Everyone loved “Creep” — the song was rated No. 31 on VH1’s Top 100 Songs of the ’90s, and it re-entered the charts as a single in the U. Does it count if I wish I were dead?

Even though Radiohead had skyrocketed to worldwide fame, at the time they were only famous because of “Creep. How are we feeling tonight, Creepatonia? Yorke himself with the song, believing that he was the lonely, depressed subject of its narrative. When fans inevitably request “Creep,” Yorke has responded on various occasions by telling them to fuck off, storming offstage, and inexplicably calling everyone in the audience “anally retarded,” which is an affliction we cannot begin to imagine.

Who here wants to see the entire world go fuck itself? Pinkerton, Weezer’s second studio album, enjoyed a Phantom Menace type of reception when it was initially released. Fans and critics alike, who had loudly sung the praises of the band’s previous record, unanimously declared Pinkerton to be the shittiest piece of shit of all time, and frontman Rivers Cuomo ran away and hid for the next five years. However, much like Star Trek and Death Race 2000, it just took people a long time to recognize Pinkerton’s genius. It wasn’t quite as happy and light-hearted as Schindler’s List, though.

It’s like getting really drunk at a party and spilling your guts in front of everyone and feeling incredibly great and cathartic about it, and then waking up the next morning and realizing what a complete fool you made of yourself. The most painful thing in my life these days is the cult around Pinkerton. It’s just a sick album, sick in a diseased sort of way. It’s such a source of anxiety because all the fans we have right now have stuck around because of that album.

Fairy tale beauty and the beast type story?

I never want to hear them again. After spending the next decade sufficiently distancing himself and his band from the dark introspection of that album by wearing cowboy hats and making music videos with Muppets, Cuomo’s attitude toward Pinkerton has softened enough to discuss it candidly when asked about it, and even played it live in its entirety in 2010. Now on to my more serious album. Sponsored by Axe: Get your cock sucked by wearing Axe. The Who’s rock opera Tommy was the first album of its kind.

31 Stupid Jokes That Are So Dumb, They’re Actually Funny! #17 Is EPIC

Tommy went on to sell 20 million copies and was adapted into an Oscar-nominated motion picture, the most memorable sequence of which is arguably when Tommy beats Elton John at pinball. The song playing while Sir Elton does his best to look like Clint Howard in space goggles and moon-shoe stilts is “Pinball Wizard,” the lead single from Tommy and one of the Who’s most popular hits. The success of the album, and its ultimate adaptation into film and stage versions, can be traced directly back to the success of this catchy, upbeat pop number about a deaf, dumb and blind kid playing pinball after getting molested by his uncle a few songs earlier in the story. No, really, if you’ve never seen it before, go back up and play that video. From Soho down to Brighton, he must’ve played ’em all. When Townshend first gave an early mix of the album to Cohn, Cohn thought it sounded like a confused pile of shit.

90s hair bands like this goofball song full of sexual innuendo meant to appeal to 13-year-old boys. In the video, lead singer Jani Lane prances around with his feathered hair, making cartoon character faces and singing to his four shirtless friends about how much he loves female genitalia. Could we maybe spell the word ‘vagina’ in newborn babies on her crotch? It’s easy to forget that Warrant had a total of nine Top 40 rock hits throughout that period, virtually all of them permed-mullet power ballads. And that if Jani Lane had gotten his way, “Cherry Pie” would never have existed.

31 Stupid Jokes That Are So Dumb, They’re Actually Funny! #17 Is EPIC

Following the commercial success of their debut album, Dirty Rotten Filthy Stinking Rich, Warrant went in to record their anticipated sophomore effort. While everyone in the band was happy with the end result, the record label was worried that the disc didn’t have a clear hit single. Oh, and you know how you wanted me to be a pretty boy frontman? You might want to sit down. To his woeful surprise, the executives loved it, and “Cherry Pie” became both the album’s title and its lead single.

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I could shoot myself in the fucking head for writing that song. Other band members may have been a little more into it. The intervening two decades evidently did not do enough to teach him to be grateful for every morsel of fame the universe chose to bestow upon his ridiculous band. However, his words proved to be eerily prophetic — Lane died in 2011, and the upcoming biopic about his life is called Cherry Pie Guy.

Led Zeppelin’s “Stairway to Heaven” is widely considered by middle-aged white people everywhere to be the greatest song in the history of the world. Whether or not that is correct is debatable, but the song is undeniably one of the most iconic pieces of rock music ever composed. After its debut on Led Zeppelin IV in 1971, “Stairway to Heaven” became so popular that it was the most requested song on FM radio throughout the rest of the decade, despite the fact that it was never actually released as a single in the United States. Rolling Stone put it at No.

Robert Plant, lead singer and resident funslayer of Led Zeppelin, hated him some “Stairway to Heaven. And not just a little hate. We’re talking a hate so epic, it rivaled the scope of the song itself. By the late ’70s, Plant was thoroughly sick of singing the damned thing, later saying in an interview, “I’d break out in hives if I had to sing that song in every show. That’s code for “Fine, I’ll sing the fucking thing. Led Zeppelin reunion for decades, simply because Plant didn’t want to have to perform it every night and have Page turn it into a 38-minute guitar solo. Dude, seriously, you have to relax.

31 Stupid Jokes That Are So Dumb, They’re Actually Funny! #17 Is EPIC

So there’s a new goal for all of you aspiring musicians and garage bands out there: May you someday make a song so iconic and universally loved that the sheer mention of it sends you into a fit of rage. For more creations hated by their creators, check out 6 Classics Despised by the People Who Created Them. Or learn about The 5 Most Famous Musicians Who Are Thieving Bastards. If you’re pressed for time and just looking for a quick fix, then check out The 4 Least Anticipated Movies of February 2013. And stop by LinkSTORM to learn why Host-Droid Michael Swaim’s regrets creating him.

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And don’t forget to follow us on Facebook, Twitter, and Tumblr to get sexy, sexy jokes sent straight to your news feed. Will be used in accordance with our Terms of Use and Privacy Rights. 61 Funny Jokes That Are So Stupid, They’re Hilarious. From clean hilarious jokes and dirty racist jokes to stupid clever riddles and funny one liners, we’ve got the perfect funniest jokes guaranteed to bring on some serious laughs. Remember, the good old days when we were kids, and we did nothing but watch cartoons or read comic books and eat cereal all day?

But in our old childhood days Television, comic books and our close friends were our only source of funniest jokes. Facebook and Twitter that provide the best funny jokes and funny interesting facts to make us laugh. In our modern lives, things go wrong more often than usual, we get depressed, stressed and feel trapped. Few good old funny jokes are your only hope to cheer you up, make you laugh and boost your self-confidence. As a matter of fact, it’s actually good for your health too. Many medical studies show that this is, in fact, true and probably the simplest and cheapest way to stay healthy. Laughter has both physical and mental benefits, but in today’s fast-paced, stressful world, there is definitely a lack of laughter.

Laughter from couple of hilarious jokes can instantly improve your mood. Beyond the joy of the moment, the positive effects of laughter from those perfect funny jokes can last past the funny moment and improve your mood all day and keep you cheerful. It may even help alleviate symptoms of mild to moderate anxiety and depression. Keeping that in mind, here we have a bunch of best hilarious jokes for you that will bring you a hilarious and joyful time after hours working in the office or doing chores at home.

Hilarious Jokes That Will Tickle Your Funny BonesI hope these beautiful jokes help to cheer you up, make you laugh, happy. Link: 61 Funny Jokes That Are So Stupid, They’re Hilarious. Get More Right To Your Inbox! Receive captivating new articles, just like this one, delivered right to your inbox each day. Just sign up and we will send you the top stories as they come in. 31 Stupid Jokes That Are So Dumb, They’re Actually Funny!