Should teenagers be treated like adults?
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Cracked only offers comment voting to subscribing members. If you’re already an awesome Cracked subscriber, click here to login. The Best, Most Underrated Lines From Shows And Movies, Pt. We’ve demonstrated before that, even according to science, being a teenager sucks. So one could logically assume that if being a normal teenager sucks, then being a shy teenager must be even worse. Adolescence is the period in everyone’s life where the idea of sex metamorphoses from a mysterious concept to an uncomfortable and alarming reality to a baited hook perpetually hanging above your head.
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And high school thrives on that shit. If high school’s social ladder were representative of the real world, every world leader would be required to submit a detailed banging history in order to cement his qualification for the job. Franklin Kimble: Right in the asshole. It feels like you’re failing some crucial self-defining test, every single day.
But if you look at the long term, you’re passing with flying colors — because as it turns out, having sex later than most people might in fact be better for you. I waited until I was 30. Now, my executive position allows me to fuck entire communities. In other words, while the other kids are learning how to fumble their way into each other’s pants around the same time they’re under the impression that “showing respect” is a synonym for “aggressive posturing,” you get to learn about all that sex stuff later — when you’re actually emotionally competent enough to handle it.
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I’m gonna give you a big push so you can go on your own for a bit. I have to rub one out real quick. Shyness is the curse of every teenager wishing to have anything like a normal social life. That unfounded anxiety when talking to people, the debilitating reluctance to speak up — if minds were rock stars, shyness turns yours into the uncredited bass player, while everyone else’s is friggin’ Jim Morrison, man. And the worst part is there’s no upside — in no way will being shy ever be of benefit to you. Shut the door and just yell at me through the keyhole, baby. Well, we have good news: A study in 2007 had subjects provide information pertaining to shyness, love attitudes, and their current relationship status, and analysis showed that a person’s level of shyness had no bearing on whether or not he or she was romantically involved.
If someone’s shy, there’s always someone else who’s more than willing to make the first move. So just keep in mind that if you fall into the shy camp and one day you happen to find yourself branding your betrothed’s name onto your neck, it may be time to start reconsidering your views on love. It is the means by which you shall exact your terrible revenge upon them all. Well, it’s a personality trait characterized by sensitivity to stimuli of any kind, including social and emotional cues. If you’re shy, there’s a good chance you have it, and SPS is fucking awesome. More importantly, scientists decided to chuck some heads into an fMRI machine while their owners performed visual- and attention-based tests.
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Results: The brains belonging to people with SPS showed far greater activity than anyone else’s in a whole bunch of areas involved with high-order visual processing. Add it all up, and you have to wonder why there aren’t bald guys starting up Schools for Shy Youngsters while senators busily pen the Shy People Registration Act. Ma’am, we’ve been informed that there may be shy people in the building. Let’s say you’re a teenage girl.
And, while all the other girls are busy complaining about which guy absolutely failed to notice their new haircut or whose parents can go eat the biggest bag of dicks, you prefer to keep your complaints to yourself. After all, they’re your problems, why should you be expected to share them with everyone else? I threw a jar of live pubic lice at her in the gym showers. Back in 2011, some researchers at the University of Missouri decided to find out how “co-rumination” — talking with friends about each others’ problems — was viewed by adolescent girls and boys, and how much of an impact it had on their well-being. Girls, on the other hand, took part in co-rumination at roughly the same frequency as they did in breathing.
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More importantly, however, is the effect that co-rumination had on the girls who participated in it: They were far more likely to develop issues with depression and anxiety than the girls who were less social. How about you sit here, quietly, and then get the fuck over it? Professor Amanda Rose, the research leader, stated her belief that many girls talk about their problems at an unhealthy rate, which increases the amount of time they spend focused on said problems, which makes the problems seem much worse than they actually are, and so on, until their insides have boiled up into a sticky, miserable ball of funk. The average teenager’s mind is overwhelmingly consumed by three thoughts: “When can I rub my genitals again? How can I find someone else onto whom I might rub my genitals? And, trailing in third place, “How popular am I? Now, let’s do a little exercise — and you can participate even if your teen years are so far behind you that you’ve seriously considered investing in a shotgun to keep the damn kids off your lawn.
Go to Facebook and count up how many friends each of your friends has, then calculate the average. That number is almost certainly higher than your number of friends. Who cares what it looks like? Who are you going to have over anyway, loser? It turns out that pretty much everyone can do this exercise, no matter how popular they are, and they will always find that the average of their friends’ friends turns out higher than their number of friends. How is this possible, you ask?
Blame the unholy witchcraft that is statistics. What your average teenager unconsciously tallying up his or her friend list doesn’t realize is that this simple experiment is flawed from the get-go, for the simple reason that those friends you’re measuring are inclined to be popular, because they’re friends with you. The more popular someone is, the more likely it is that they’re your friend. Then, if you murder Chad, you’ll go up at least four places on the list.
Keep in mind that this paradox can be applied to many other aspects of life. The people you date have all had more dates than you have, because the ones who don’t date didn’t date you. All the kids on Xbox Live are absolute thunder-pricks because the ones who aren’t don’t end up screaming profanity into your ear. Put yourself back in your teenage shoes for a minute. Maybe some nice Air Jordans, or perhaps some sparkly platform shoes, depending on just how far back in time you have to travel and just how fancy you happen to be. Now imagine that those shoes cause you to trip and fall on your way to homeroom, resulting in a teen-comedy-movie-worthy mushroom cloud of books and papers — right in front of a crowd of gawking fellow students.
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What if someone told you that within 10 minutes, the number of people who remember what seems to you like the worst moment of your high school life is going to be approximately one, and that one person is going to be you? Because someone is telling you that, and that someone is science. Back in 2000, researchers conducted a series of experiments to determine to what degree people thought their behavior was noticed by others. When put into a group brainstorm, subjects believed that others would judge them more critically and rate them as making more speech errors and offensive comments than they actually had. And what do you think, guy in the stupid shirt who we’ll all laugh at forever? In short, people thought their mistakes pretty much defined them in the eyes of others, when in fact everyone else cared very little about whether they wore a bad shirt or made a shitty suggestion.
While this unfortunately means that others are probably going to forget about your positive contributions almost as soon as you make them, it also means they’ll forget about your colossal fuck-ups just as quickly. And let’s face it, your average teenager is probably less concerned about being remembered for correctly answering that one teacher’s bonus question than for the Gym Shorts Incident. In which case, good luck finding a new school in another country. So add up all of this and it becomes clear that adolescence is just the pile of shit and friendship bracelets you’re required to spin your tires in for a while before they let you out onto the open road that is the rest of your life. If you spend your time there trying to succeed at being a teenager, you may never get around to succeeding at being a human being.
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He has neither a blog nor a Twitter because he’s still living in the ’90s. For more life advice, check out 5 Reasons Life Actually Does Get Better and 6 Harsh Truths That Will Make You a Better Person. If you’re pressed for time and just looking for a quick fix, then check out The Hilarious Story of American Football Abroad. A bizarre chain of events that started with one businessman throwing a temper tantrum.
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Read on to learn how you can do that. Coordinate the details in your life more efficiently with this advice. 5 Things Teenagers Secretly Want You to Know But Won’t Tell You A friend of mine loved to play poker. My friend, on the other hand, used to read books and have consistent games with friends.
Later, I learned that when he traveled to Vegas for business, he would go into some of the world’s best poker rooms and, more often than not, win. Sometimes he would even win big. In life, teenagers can be difficult to read. Every day, they perform in a world of adult agendas and judgment. They work really hard at perfecting the outside so everything on the inside can stay hidden where it is safe. There are a precious few they can trust so they develop their poker face.
Teenagers have a lot going on under the surface that they either haven’t identified, are afraid to say, or don’t know how to tell you. So it remains inside, alone and unattended. I think it might change the way we parent teens. Here are 5 things your teenagers secretly want you to know but won’t tell you. They want you to say no. They need your boundaries, but more interestingly, they want them. Giving them clearly defined lines of what is appropriate and what is not creates security for kids.
However, just because they want those boundaries doesn’t mean that they aren’t going to push against them and they will. That’s how they figure out if what you say is true and real. It’s your job to say no, stick to it, and explain to them why that boundary exists. They are desperate for your approval. Unless they perceive you as untrustworthy, this is the reason they get so annoyed and roll their eyes at your correcting. For right or wrong, they are feeling your disapproval as a person. I’m not saying to not correct, but having an awareness of how they are receiving your feedback may change how you do it and how often.
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They want your guidance rather than your expectations. They want you to walk with them in their pain and discomfort. Teenagers have adults and peers giving them marks to hit all the time. They don’t need you to set a level for them to live up to but rather coach them. It’s the difference of how a football coach responds to a wide receiver who drops an easy pass. They have no idea who they are yet and are scared to death.
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Their core self has not developed. They really are several different people. The person they are when they’re with their friends on a Friday night is way different than the person they are at home or in the classroom. That doesn’t mean they are fake, it’s just a person whose different selves haven’t merged into a solid identity yet. They are consistently treated with contempt. If they come across as moody or oversensitive, it is more than just hormonal or a bad attitude.
Teens are blamed, belittled, marginalized, and treated with contempt. They need to be shown respect and compassion. Sound Off What do you think are some other things teenagers would like their parents to know? BJ Foster is the Director of Content Creation for All Pro Dad and a married father of two. Parenting Teen Issues Has Me Worn Out. Is there anything you wish I knew about you that you think I don’t understand? Please forward this error screen to sharedip-1666210184.